cuttlefish

Have you noticed the cuttlefish craze that is occurring around you? People are TALKING, and I'm not so sure they're talking daTRUFFE. Apparently NOVA has a special on them. I would like to watch it but NOVA's a little too British for me. So instead, I'm gonna start with Myth #1, and dispel it, to be followed by other myths dispelled, on the basis of reasoning that is wholly American.

Myth #1: Cuttlefish are fish. This is untrue. Cuttlefish are not fish, they are mollusks. And they eat smaller mollusks. Their deceptively appealing moniker is derived from the old Nordic word "koddi," meaning testicle. So they are cannibalistic testicle-shaped uncuddly non-fish creatures.

Myth #2: Cuttlefish are amazing. Not. They are just like a lot of other animals and also certain degenerate people. For example, cuttlefish can change colors, allegedly. But even if that's true, it also applies to scores of organisms. There are five alone in the Arctic, and one of them is a bird called a Ptarmigan. But cuttlefish can change the texture of their skin, which is unusual, and they get props there. People make a big deal about other cuttlefish features, such as the fact that they shoot ink, and that their mouths resemble beaks, and their blue-greenish blood. But none of these is especially impressive to Americans.

Myth #3: Cuttlefish have nice eyes. This is so not daTRUFFE, as seen below.








I don't know about you, but I would be unhappy if this is what my eyes looked like. For one thing, they're shaped like oyster shells. Or maybe clams.